its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
