Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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