her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
wow bdsm is so cute
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
