I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
