Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
