Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
