Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
