I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
