either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
