Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
