in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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