addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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