Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
