Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
