she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
