just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
