I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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