college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
