is your mom at the bar?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
