is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
