Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
