Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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