Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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