Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
