someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
