fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
