having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
