Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
