does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just want nice things and good sex
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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