You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
