she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
