Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
