Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
