Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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