my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
