watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
