You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
