She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
