I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
