I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
