I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
