then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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