I cannot find my penis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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