i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
