Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
