Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
