So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
be right there i have to get my cape
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
