grandma shit on top of the toilet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
