yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
