real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
