I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I want a musical about memes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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