My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
