thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
