Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
