you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
