Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
