I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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