You just made me feel so damn special
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
